Have you ever thought twice about checking the “divorced” box when completing an online dating profile? Do you get sweaty palms or reach for your wine when you know it’s time to tell an attractive date that you’ve already walked down the aisle of holy matrimony?
Many men consider divorce a failure, and they assume that women will see that failure as a red flag. I have a different perspective on this issue, and I encourage you to embrace your marital history for all the benefits that it can bring to your dating life.
Instead of thinking of divorce as a failure, think of the advantages that it gives you when entering future relationships. If you’re scratching your head trying to think of ways that ending a previous marriage could help you get ahead in the dating game, let’s consider some of the big advantages that a savvy woman will likely see in you.
Women who are ready for a committed relationship often complain that so many single men don’t know what they really want in a woman. Many don’t even know what they want out of life in general, and that leads to mixed messages, broken promises and a lot of dead-end relationships.
As a divorced man, you’re more likely to know what you want in a relationship as well as in life. You’re likely established in your career and may have already developed a family-oriented mindset.
Knowing what you didn’t like about your wife and the marriage that you shared will help you identify what it is that you do need and want from your next relationship. You’re less likely to send mixed messages or change your mind mid-relationship, and that is enough to make many women take notice.
While you know what you need and want out of a relationship, you’re not likely to make unreasonable demands from a woman. You know what it’s like when you fail to live up to another person’s idealistic expectations, and you’re beyond the superficial ideals of the perfect woman.
While you won’t settle for less than what you deserve and will likely make decisions with more caution to prevent another failed relationship, you’re appreciative of the women in your life and accept them for their natural beauty and authentic personalities.
Even if lack of communication or continuous misunderstandings were partially to blame for your divorce, your marital experience taught you the importance of open and honest communication. You know what it means to compromise with another person, and you’re not above putting someone else first in order to make a relationship work.
On the other hand, you’re likely to pick up on the red flags that tell you a potential partner doesn’t fight fair. You may know all too well what passive aggressiveness sounds like, and you’re likely sensitive to a woman shutting you out when she’s emotional.
Rather than falling into the hole of madness that comes with someone who doesn’t communicate with maturity and openness, you’re likely to avoid that scenario and seek out women with emotional integrity. You score by not wasting your time on relationships destined to fail.
Many women would agree that a man’s inability to accept his own flaws is a major turnoff. It can also lead to conflict within a relationship. Your divorce more than likely put a spotlight on your weaknesses, and your ex was probably more than willing to tell you exactly how you need to change if you ever want to maintain a healthy relationship.
Whether you want to accept her assessment of your personality and relationship skills or not, you now know what you can work on to improve yourself for the future.
Many men don’t have that personal insight, and this is yet another advantage of dating after divorce. As you strive to become a better person and live your life to the fullest, you’re likely seeking a partner who is also willing to accept her flaws and strive for positive change.
By how you’ve got an idea as to why the smartest women favor dating men that have been through a marriage. Writer Rebecca Stokes outlines a few more reasons why she feels that dating divorced men might work in your favor:
That’s right fellas, it’s not all bad. Good things actually can come from you divorce. Now go out there, own it, and use lessons you’ve learned as a divorce man to build some meaningful and lasting relationships.
No one is proud of getting divorced, but it’s a frequent occurrence and sometimes unavoidable. According to the American Psychological Association, as many as 40-50 percent of married couples in the U.S. will divorce. As such, you are basically just as likely to get divorced as you are to stay married.
But all is not lost. Because of the large number of divorces, the stigma attached to it is all but gone. And as I’ve shown in this article, going through a divorce can actually make you more desirable to women.
The next time you see the “divorced” box on an online dating profile at Match.com or during an eHarmoney questionnaire (Check out my Match.com Review and eHarmony Review for divorcees), check it off without a second though. While it’s true that you have failed at least once in love, you’ve learned some valuable relationship lessons and are a better man for going through that experience.
By going through your married and subsequent divorce, you have reshaped your approach to dating and expectations of women- for the better. Women can sense that and know that most bachelors who were never married can’t match that level of maturity. You’ve got the battle-scars to prove it.
So hold your head high and start searching for women who deserve the compassionate, open and experienced man that you are today. Those women are out there, and they’re looking for someone like you.
Brad is a divorced father of two who is navigating the brave new world of dating after divorce. A software developer by trade, he experiments with the latest dating applications and tools so that you don’t have to. Brad writes online dating reviews along with other actionable content for men to improve their quality of life after divorce.
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